Being a 'Being'

Part- 1

Note: I had written this article back in 2014. Like many other half-baked articles even this one was left half way. Now that we are in this Lockdown period, I thought of opening up my Treasure Box and let out a few of my writings. Similar to this one, I have already posted one more article in my blog from the year 2013, you may kindly that article here- http://desijacck.blogspot.com/2017/06/from-august-2013.html

It was a Saturday night for my friends and just another night for me. I had no job at the moment and I was sitting at home from last two years doing nothing special but following the very usual routine. I was half dead but half alive as I was breathing. I could cry my blood out but I was quiet in my space, sitting in that couch inside the loud and noisy pub. I was cursing my college friend Karan for bringing me here in the name of ‘Get some fresh air dude’! Karan was my that friend from same neighbourhood who is more like a brother but a little less than a wife. But even here, the ever-green truth of human nature had to apply- you are happy when your friend succeeds in life but you are equally jealous of this success when your own life has been a failure. I was already feeling uncomfortable and my ears were bleeding because of glass breaking loud music. The air was filled with tobacco, alcohol and the lust was growing more and more inside everyone dancing on that floor. While Karan along with three of his college friends were on dance floor, making the most disgusting moves, two of Karan’s office friends were busy on WhatsApp, sharing their latest selfie with the WhatsApp world. Yes, Karan is also that guy from your school/college days who has contacts from places ranging from a Paan Shop to canteen to Principal/Dean’s office. I had already checked many curves and cleavages around me so I ordered one more peg of alcohol. Oh! Did I tell you what we were celebrating? We were celebrating completion of ‘Six fucking Goddamn Ass-licking months in Corporate’ as described by our very own Karan Choksi. 

Holding the glass in my hand, I lay back on the couch and closed my eyes. I tried hard to look into my inner self, the official term used to describe ‘self-evaluation’ but I couldn’t find a single ray of hope, so I gave up trying. After a few more hours, when the food was done and bill was paid, I suggested them to go home. Everyone gave me a dead look, the reason being- I was about to cancel their yet-another drinking session at Karan’s home. And I cancelled it. While some of Karan’s friends took a kali-peeli taxi, some preferred to use Mumbai’s lifeline- Local train. I advised Karan to leave his car in the parking space and come with me. We both were drunk but Karan was sloshed (exaggerated version of drunk). We were so drunk that it took us twenty minutes to spot my car that was stationed on the second street near the pub. Finally, we sat in the car and I started the engine, fully aware of my organs and senses. I knew that I had to be alert and aware of all traffic rules and not attract a single police constable, for that, it would create a hell for us.

This tight security and use of latest techno equipment by Mumbai police were the result of criticism received from citizens of this ever-going city after recent Mumbai Terrorists attack. As we crossed through the road between BMC headquarter and CSMT station, I smiled to myself in complete guilt that how easily within a period of two months we overcame the sacrifice of our policemen/ para forces who died for our protection during the siege. Here we were fully drown in alcohol and white powder. We have reached to that point of civil society, where the best way to express our solidarity is by keeping black display picture on messaging app and clicking a ‘like’ button on every patriotic post on social media.

After dropping Karan home, it was just me and my car cruising on that lonely road. Driving on a deserted road in a busy city like Mumbai is a rare scene but a total bliss. In this city, where you hardly get a free second to think of your childhood friends or a minute to thank God for this life, driving came in as a blessing for me. I even switched off the radio because I wanted to live these few moments in complete peace. As I came on highway and the loud-ear piercing noise of heavy trucks were disturbing my thoughts, I rolled over the windows and switched on the AC. I lived in those moments for more twenty minutes and then I stopped the car near a turning road. I still can’t tell myself that reason for what prompted me to stop the car.

I adjusted my seat and made my body a little comfortable by pushing it backward. My eyes were wide open, also the engine was on, though I had switched off the headlight. In the middle of a cold night when I should be at home, wrapped in my blanket, I was here, inside my car.

Why?